Bear with me, I’m not a writer. I’m a Mother, Wife, Daughter, Sister and Friend. Well, in theory these are the roles that can be attributed to me, but in practice, all are beyond my current capabilities to fulfil. For today, functioning and getting through are the best I can hope for, and that’s ok, but it’s not right.
For the last 24 years, depression, anxiety and anorexia have made my life one of hospitals, doctors, professors, healers, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, , herbalists, hypnotists, nutritionists and probably whatever other ‘ -ists ‘ you can think of. But for now it is just Me ( plus a very good GP and those close to me who refuse to give up on Me ).
I’ve been off medication since May of this year ( foolishly done without supervision, advice or recommendation ), I do this every now and then to ‘ test ‘ myself – because life just isn’t hard enough…
I was ok for a while – walking on air actually, the ‘ high ‘ of feeling I was living free of medication – and then It all spectacularly crashed down inside Me, taking my physical and mental being with It.
5 months – suffering all the symptoms of flu minus the temperature ( or indeed presence of the actual virus ) ; weeks of pain and ‘ ton weights ‘ in every inch of my body; hours of missed sleep at the conventional time one would expect to sleep; masses of obsessive research and reading at any snatched moment I found myself able to take in printed words; huge periods of not showering, changing my clothes or managing to make the effort to move my mouth to talk; and countless consultations – later, I am just about keeping my head above water and striving to find any way within my capabilities, or indeed even outside of what I feel capable of, to beat my depression. ( If this includes reaching the decision to go back on medication then I will accept that and take the necessary action ).
This blog is to be about the Every Day that is Living/Surviving/Functioning with Depression.
NB. I am not a Professional – I am a Sufferer/Fighter/Survivor. These are My Musings, on My Life. Whoever you are coming to my blog as, I hope you can learn and at best take some inspiration away with you, but my intention is NOT to dictate what any one person should do in Their very personal, unique Life.